Under the Red Coat
by WakingUpSlowly
Summary: They found Ali that Halloween Night, but will they be able to see her again? Unsure of what the next step is, the girls continue to drift through A's plans, while Emily's heart can't help but remember it's first love.
1. Chapter 1

The thumping on the wood was incessant; it filled Emily's skull and rippled until tears were knocked out of her eyes. The pounding, the desperate pounding and the clawing from the other side. She could hear nails against the wood, scraping the coffin's splintering pulp until Emily was sure there were hallowed, bloodied grooves dug into it.

"Alison!" She cried, helplessly pounding the flat surface in an attempt to find or force some small crack the two of them could fight their way through. Days earlier, she had found her friend in a red coat, alive, and had nearly passed out from joy and terror. The look on Ali's face was haunted.

"_Emily!_" Alison shrieked, howling like an animal enraged to have been trapped but already feeling the pull of submission.

"Ali, _don't_ give up!" She sent her plea more to fate than her friend.

She heard a muffled whine from the other side, but it could have been the wind in a branch. She fell to her knees, level with where she felt Ali must be. She clawed at the bottom of the box, still mostly swallowed up in the dirt of a landfill.

"Ali…!"

She felt the quietness from inside the box.

Fingers bleeding as she slid them against a barely-there looseness in the seam, Emily tugged hard, hearing an almost inaudible crack.

"I've got it Ali! Please, please… push!"

She heaved again, and with a sickening crack the plank flew to the side. She reached in to grab her friend, but when she pulled Alison's corpse toppled out on top of her.

She screamed as hope went out of her, and she stared at the blonde girls bloody and gnarled hands, the nails chipped off and the flesh of her fingertips misshapen and whittled away to the bone.

Emily's eyes opened to stare dizzily at her ceiling, her heart in a frenzy so vicious she felt like she was choking.

"Oh god." She whimpered, sitting up in her bed, feeling the sweat soaked sheets slide off her arms. She grabbed her pillow weakly, hands shaking when she tried to grasp it and pull it towards her.

Shivering, she hugged it to herself and looked out her window, feeling lost, hoping in some half psychotic hope she would see Alison standing down below in her front yard, like some angel who could sense Emily's needed for her from where she had been hiding in the ether of the town, aware of all things. Aware already of what she needed Emily and their friends to figure out by themselves.

"Oh, god, Ali." She lay back down in the cold damp of her nightmares, falling back to sleep with the weight of exaughstion tugging her roughly down, until her alarm clock sounded and she felt tears prick again at her eyes.

oooOOOooo

She couldn't help but be preoccupied at lunch, barely noticing the over-cooked everything sliding down her throat. When she caught Paige staring at her from across the table she felt a shameful guilt lite up in her stomach and turn her cheeks red.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled.

"It's OK." Paige's disappointment was hard to bear, especially since she tried to hide it.

"We've just been dealing with a lot lately. It's… distracting." The other girls were out of sight, having left the girlfriends alone after sensing Paige's need for some time with Emily.

"Are you safe?" Paige's voice was soft, so absurdly used to asking this question of a Pennsylvanian highschooler.

"Yes."

Paige stared at her, pressuring for more details, whatever she could get.

"We think… we just think we might be getting closer to Alison." Emily confided, knowing they could tell no one their friend was alive. If A overheard this conversation…

"Em, you look so run down. Maybe just ease off for a little while? It might be a trick anyway."

"It's not a trick." Emily was quick to insist.

"Emily, you can't know, it's A-"

"-It's not a trick. Is it really so hard to believe we're actually accomplishing something?"

"No, I didn't say that. But Em… there's a chance she's really dead-"

Emily silently shook her head, looking down at her food.

"Em, I'm not saying I _want _her to be dead-"

Emily shook her head with more adamancy, looking towards the sky as if she needed some otherworldly help to deal with Paige.

"-She's been gone for years, Em, and no one's seen a trace. She was only fifteen when she disappeared, how could she have possibly survived and would you _please _stop shaking your head like I'm some idiot? You're the one who sounds crazy." Paige huffed.

"You just don't get it."

"No! I don't! 'Cause you won't let me help. And then you act like im stupid for not seeing things your way?"

"You're right, you can't help."

"Well excuse me for being concerned- _Emily_." Emily had thrown her food in the garbage and began walking back inside.

"I have been struggling for weeks to talk to _my own girlfriend_ and you just bail on a conversation?"

"It wasn't a conversation, it was a fight." Emily said coldly.

"Only if you made it a fight! I'm just trying to talk to you." Paige followed her into a secluded bathroom.

Emily ignored her, running her fingers through her hair in front of the mirror, and checking her makeup in the light.

"And now you're picking primping over me?"

The silence stretched on and stuck like thorns in Paige's anger.

"You know, all through freshman year I would hope for your attention, but I wound up competing with Alison. And now I'm your girlfriend and you still won't give me the time of day because of her, and she might not even be breathing?"

Emily's glare was pitch black, staring at Paige from the reflection in the mirror.

Paige stared back hard, chin up and hurt.

After a long moment, Emily relented, turning back toward her girlfriend. "I'm sorry. You're right. This wasn't a fight…"

"It was. It was when Ali was alive, too; she made it that way."

They looked at the ground, grimly.

"You've seen the scars on my legs." Paige mumbled.

"I know." Emily's voice cracked, lip quivering with sudden sadness.

"She was horrible."

"Paige, please." Emily couldn't bear coming between them. Couldn't bear to defend Alison to Paige, couldn't bear to hear anything against her. Couldn't bear knowing Ali was alive.

"She _was_! _God_ the things she did to me...! I can't see what you saw in her. I almost can't believe a girl like you would befriend a monster like that."

"You held my head underwater."

Quiet struck the room like the crack of a whip. Emily's words didn't even seem able to echo against the tile in that faint way everything else did.

"I _love_ you." Paige swore, mouth thick with the feeling of it, neck tense and tears in her eyes.

"I know."

"You believe me, don't you?" Paige nearly broke. They both knew the guilt was always there, always sore.

"Y-"

"We're never going to get away from it, are we?"

"We are. We did. I only meant there's more to a person than…"

Sniffling, Paige bolted the door closed.

"Do I deserve you? I want to deserve you more… than her." She stepped close to Emily, reaching out to run her palms down her girlfriend's arms.

"It's not a competition."

"That's not a good answer."

Seeing the dark look in Paige's eye, Emily leaned forward to give her a small peck on the lips, and jumped when she felt Paige grab her jaw roughly.

Paige deepened the kiss forcefully, backing Emily up against the skinks hard.

Emily felt Paige's need to dominate her mouth, and gave in, trying to will Paige to believe in how much she trusted her.

Paige broke her lips away instead, working her mouth down Emily's neck, scraping her teeth along the flesh, before biting down fully on Emily's shoulder.

"Paige." Emily tried to get her girlfriend's attention, knowing the real issue was being avoided. When she reached up to run her fingers through the other girl's hair her wrists were grabbed roughly, and pinned at her sides as Paige's hot breath touched down on the other side of her neck.

"Paige, come on, we're in a bathroom. Wouldn't you rather do something a little more G-rated anyway? Let's ditch. We can go somewhere."

"I locked the door." Paige went for the buttons on Emily's shirt.

oooOOOooo

That night the girls met up at Spencer's house. Sleepovers had become the norm after they found Ali, all of them shaken and unsure of what to do.

"I've been having nightmares." Emily confessed, when the liters of soda had been emptied and the group had grown quiet. The girls sat sprawled across the floor, half buried in blankets and propped up on dozens of pillows from all over the house.

A silent sympathy went through them all as they looked between one another.

"My whole day's a nightmare now." Aria leaned sullenly against Spencer's bed as while she spoke. "After seeing A's lair I've been looking around my house for hidden cameras. My Dad's caught me a few times and I have to keep saying I think I lost my earrings. Seriously though, in like potted plants and the downstairs radiator."

"I've been hoping Ali would come back." The girls looked down to where Hanna was curled up on the floor. "I've been wondering if she can hear us, you know? The way A does. It seemed like redcoat was everywhere, and that wound up being Ali, so… sometimes I wish it out loud."

"Only A can hear you." Spencer said. "I don't think Ali was ever spying on us like that."

The silence stretched on for a moment, each girl imagining camera's, wires, hoodies, and Alison the target of it all.

"We shouldn't be acting any differently." Spencer eventually broke the silence. "We only know more now, but the situations still the same. We can't let this get to us; it's distracting."

"Doesn't it change anything?" Aria asked softly.

"No…" Spencer said. "Ali still can't come home. We aren't any closer to A. If you think about it like that, this week is the same as last week. It's the same as last year… we just have to try and stay focused. We have a real mission here, now. We have to save Allison."

oooOOOooo

Hours later, when the room was dark and still, Emily woke to find her body shaking. She had fought her way out of another nightmare, and knew that she wouldn't be going back to sleep.

She shuffled down stairs, creeping nervously past Mr. and Mrs. Hastings's room, hoping to wallow in a 4AM snack. She idly wondered if she could make breakfast when the sun came up to give herself something to do.

Before she could find herself anything to eat, she caught herself staring out the kitchen window, wondering again if Alison would show up.

"Another bad dream?" Emily nearly fainted when Spencer's sympathetic face appeared behind her in the window.

"Yeah."

The two sat down at the island, and Spencer plopped a box of Captain Crunch between them, taking a handful out for herself.

Hearing Spencer begin crunching while she pulled out her own handful, Emily smiled. She loved that she had friends who would stay up with her as a matter of course, eating puffed sugar in the dark.

"Emily…" Spencer began quietly.

Emily looked up at her, and for a moment the only sound was crunching while Spencer thought.

"We never really talked about it… after everyone found out." She hesitated. "But your feelings for Alison…"

Emily took in a fortifying breath, and popped a few more bits of cereal in her mouth nervously.

"Do you still… love her? She's alive…"

"I don't know, Spence…" She mumbled around her mouthful of food.

Spencer stared at Emily quietly, surprised but intrigued.

"I've been trying not to think about it. I have Paige. God, how could I even question it? I have _Paige_."

Another silence fell between the two, and they went back to eating cereal.

"It's just…" Emily whispered. "Everything with Ali was so unresolved. The only reason I got over her… was because she was dead. God, that sounds awful. I'm awful…"

"You're allowed to feel however you need to feel, Em. Just… be careful. We'll all still be here for you."

"Yeah… Emily rubbed at her wrists absentmindedly through the sleeves of her hoodie."

Spencer's gaze sharpened as she saw a sleeve ride up. "Em, what's that?"

"What? Nothing. A hoodie- _ah_!"

Spencer's hand shot out and the two had a brief struggle over the rights to Emily's forearm. "Oh my god!" She gasped, finding the stripes of Paige's handprints embedded in Emily's wrist. "Emily?" She asked, reaching over and pulling up the sleeve on her friend's other arm.

"It's not how it looks…"

"Emily." Spencer's voice was gravely serious, but both of them could hear the hint of childlike fear behind it.

"No… she was just… It's not how it seems, I swear."

"This was Paige?"

"…Yes." Emily answered meekly.

"My god, Emily, I knew Paige had a violent streak…"

"No! It's not…" She saw Spencer's face was livid. "I just mentioned Ali, and how I thought maybe we could find her one day- I didn't say anything about her being alive, but she just got jealous."

"Emily, don't make excuses for her."

"I'm _not_."

"God. She _hits_ you? What else is going on?"

"_Nothing!_ Spencer, Jesus, _look_!" She paused after getting Spencer's attention, and lowered her voice considerably. "It was from… _sex_." She mumbled.

The pause that followed was for Emily more uncomfortable than talking about Ali and arguing about an abusive Paige combined.

The moment was broken when Spencer let out an astonished giggle.

Heaving a sigh, Emily went back to the cereal, noticing the sky had lightened from black to a rich blue.

"So… is that… normal for you two?" Spencer asked with a wicked grin.

Emily glared at her with cheeks full of food, but allowed herself to see the humor in the situation. "No, I'm usually on top." She said with a raised eyebrow. At Spencer's look of shock she felt suddenly defensive. "What? I'm taller."

"Is that how you decide?" Spencer asked, laughing as quietly as she could so as not to wake her parents. "So you're actually like the guy, huh?" She smirked widely at Emily's indignant huff.

"That's not how it works. Are you telling me you've never been on top? With _any_ of your_ many_ boys?"

Spencer grinned sheepishly. "I guess I have."

They both sat back, enjoying each other's company, occasionally smirking at one another and trying not to giggle.

"I hadn't really noticed with all the A drama, but… we've really changed since this all started." Emily mused.

"Yeah." Spencer said slyly. "I've turned into an FBI agent and you've turned into a stud."

Emily scoffed, embarrassed, and stood to go back upstairs, feeling considerably more self-conscious than when she had walked into the kitchen, and still somehow a lot better.

When they had made it back into Spencer's room without waking her parents, they found Hanna diving back under a blanket and trying to pretend she was asleep.

Spencer looked sternly between her and a disconcerted Aria. "You guys…"

"She made me!" Aria protested.

Hanna barked out a laugh and peaked an eye out from under her cover. "Who knew you two were so wild in bed!"

"_No!_" Emily complained as she and Spencer settled back down on the floor. "How much did you hear?"

"Just that bit." Hanna said wide-eyed. "There was more?"

"God, you guys! Can we at least try to get some rest tonight?" Spencer scolded.

"Yup!" Aria flopped back on her pillows.

Emily rolled over to avoid Hanna's prying eyes, but found herself smiling. Things felt so normal. Maybe they really stood a chance after all. After everything it was still possible to smile. Behind the fright, and the threats A made they were still friends, and they were still themselves.

But they were missing one. They were missing Alison. Emily had to hope that she could come back, and that wherever she was she could still smile too. She had to believe that one day, the five of them could all still sleep on the floor together.


	2. Chapter 2

Kites floated in the air, bumping into each other as the sun blinded their pilots. Roller blade's roared along the pavement, and dogs barked near the ice cream vendor on the other side of the park.

"Everyone keeps looking at us," Hanna said, eyeing a jogger a few yards away.

"No one's looking at us," Spencer said. "The safest place to be is in plain sight. Remember? Look, there's nowhere A could be hiding right now; we're in the middle of a field, and unless he's one of those dogs over there he probably can't hear us."

"Did we have to have a fake picnic?" Aria asked skeptically, picking at the quilt they were sitting on.

"It's not fake." Spencer looked wounded. "I made you guys lunch."

"Well, thanks for that, it's just a little hard to eat right now…"

Hanna scoffed and dug into the basket. "Maybe for you. My nerves are killing me."

"So what's the plan, Spence?" Emily asked, nibbling on a sandwich as her stomach did flips. "Are we going to… find Ali?"

"That's exactly what we're going to do. And we're going to need to reevaluate everything to do it. Everything that doesn't add up, every place we've been that Ali's lead us too, everything… Ali has said to us since she died. Disappeared."

"Here? Now? In the park?" Aria asked.

"Yes. And we're going to start with Hanna."

"Why me?"

"Because. Ali told you that what she said to you in the hospital was important. So what did she say?"

"Um… it's hard to remember. The most confusing thing she said was… the whole reason this happened, she said it was because she told someone the wrong thing at the wrong time. She said it was the wrong person, too. She said lying was safer."

Spencer's brows furrowed as she sat resting her chin on her knee. "That could be anything. That could be the NAT club's videos, that could be the whole business with her grandmother's will. That could be her pregnancy scare. What else did she say?"

"Well, she said the truth wouldn't make any difference. If we knew it."

"Oh, helpful," Spencer grumbled. "Thanks, Ali."

"Oh, wait. She said we did know it. The truth."

"What?" Spencer asked as all eyes snapped to Hanna. "What do you mean?"

"She said we already know what happened to her. The four of us combined."

"Goddamnit," Spencer swore. "If it were as easy as that we'd be done already."

"Well let's just keep… combining," Emily said.

"Right. Well she came to visit me when I got out of Radley. It was when I had the duffle bag. She was pretty vague about it, but she made it seem like something in there was important. Or actually, it was the whole bag. The big picture."

"More 'big picture' crap?" Hanna rolled her eyes.

"She actually took some of my pills..." Spencer said incredulously.

"Was there anything else?" Emily asked impatiently.

"Not that time, but I saw her again in Radley. She… actually, she mentioned having left a lot of things at my house. You know, Ali bragged about having lots of hiding places practically the entire time we knew her."

"Well…" Aria began. "I saw her when Meredith was drugging me. She told me to stop drinking the tea, actually, but she also found those diary pages. She knew all of my hiding spots. We might have to look through our own stuff, you guys."

"Yeah, and maybe the DiLaurentis house. And yard," Spencer said. "There's gotta be something. We're just going to have to be better at finding than Ali was at hiding."

"Ok, but not even A's that good," Hanna said.

"Well he's following us because he thinks we are," Spencer said. "So maybe we are."

"Yeah. The four of us combined," Hanna mused.

"Em, you saw Ali too, right?"

"Yeah. She saved me from the barn that time. She didn't say anything that… might be a clue. She offered to take me with her though."

"Seriously?" Aria asked.

"Yeah, I thought I was just dying, but maybe she actually meant… like I could go with her. That's actually a little scarier. If I had said yes, I might have all the answers right now."

"Yeah, but we wouldn't have you," Hanna said.

"Was there anything else?" Spencer asked. "If she was willing to take you with her, there must be something else."

Emily fought the urge to touch her lips. "Well… no, not really."

"What's not really?" Spencer wasn't going to let anything go, this was the time to put everything in the open. It was on her schedule: lunch, park, everything revealed.

"Well, she kissed me," Emily mumbled, looking at her friends cautiously.

"_What?_" Hanna screamed, before pausing to glance around the park cautiously. "I didn't know you two were like _that_!" She hissed, suddenly more caught up in the gossip than the mystery.

Aria and Spencer leaned in too, not immune to juicy secrets either.

"Well we were," Emily said quietly, as her friends sat stunned.

"Were you two… together?" Aria asked hesitantly.

"Not officially. Not really. I don't know, sometimes we would kiss. And she wanted to run away with me to Paris. At least she said she did."

"Whoa," Spencer admitted.

"I let you guys think it was just one sided, and maybe it was. I don't know if she was toying with me or not. But sometimes… it really seemed real." Emily looked wistfully at the pattern in the blanket they were sitting on.

"Well, you were the one she offered to take with her, right?" Aria asked hopefully.

Smiling a little, Emily nodded.

oooOOOooo

Emily stopped short on the way back to town, the other girls turning back to look at her.

"It's the house, you guys." She said, looking across the street. "The one from Halloween, when she tricked us. Spence, you said we had to pay attention to all the things that didn't add up, right?"

"Yeah…"

"But what didn't add up? The kidnapping was fake." Hanna said.

"Yeah, but remember what Noel said?" Emily asked. "That it wasn't him who attacked Ali. We never found out who it was."

"And that was the night Ali got a note from A," Spencer said, suddenly appalled by the fact that they had never thought of it. "And it was stuck in that pumpkin with a knife, like the kind Ali used for the prank. You think that's supposed to mean something?"

"It could," Emily said, feeling somewhat sick and seeing the sentiment reflected in her friends' faces.

"And didn't we think there was someone in the house?" Asked Hanna.

"I thought it was just some kid," Spencer whispered to herself.

oooOOOooo

The moon was hidden behind the clouds, leaving the shape of the house blurry and hard to distinguish from the rest of the night.

"This is terrifying," Hanna complained.

"There's probably no one in there," Spencer said.

"Probably. You said probably. I wanted to hear that there's absolutely no one in there."

"There's absolutely no one in there. Now let's go." Spencer said, crossing the street.

Stepping into the haunted house, the sound of the wood creaking beneath their feet seemed loud enough to the nervous girls to echo through every room.

"Everything looks the same," Aria whispered. "There's no way someone's been hiding out in here, right?"

"Someone was hiding out in Mrs. DiLaurentis's basement, but the rest of the house looked ok," Emily whispered back.

"Should we go check out the basement?" Spencer asked.

Hanna turned on her heel and walked towards the stairs. "How about we start as far away from there as possible?"

Climbing to the second floor they saw no photos on the walls, and all the doorways left open, exposing barren rooms caked with dust.

"Maybe this is just a dead end." Spencer said after peeking into a room and seeing nothing but a discarded lamp.

From downstairs the faint click of a door being closed made them fall quiet.

Spencer slipped out of her shoes, and began quietly stepping away, motioning for the girls to do the same.

In socks and stockings the girls wandered further into the house, stifling their own breathing to try and hear wherever the stranger was.

Sudden footsteps climbing the stairs made them jump and scramble in different directions, the instinct to hide overwhelming.

The footsteps were heavy, with no attempt made to conceal them. They were men's shoes, no click of a heel as they passed Hanna, hidden behind an open door.

The sound stopped between Hanna and Aria, who had squeezed inside a linen closer between the empty shelves and the door. She clutched at the knob with sweaty palms to keep it closed around her, her body keeping it from being able to click all the way into place.

Hanna held her breath and leaned toward the crack in the doorway, seeing the solid blackness of A standing much closer than she expected. His back was to her, but she couldn't help the constricting of her chest as her heart leapt to her throat.

The footsteps began again, walking toward Aria's closet. Aria felt herself suffocating slightly, knowing that if she inhaled the door she held tightly to her chest would move.

She struggled with the temptation to gasp until finally the footsteps moved away and continued down the hall. Breathing in slowly, she stared out of the opening door, watching through an inch of space as the hooded figure turned into a room on the right. Aria felt her blood run cold as her mind replayed the image of Spencer darting inside. Glancing further down the hall she looked for Emily, but saw no one.

Spencer heard the heard the steps enter the room, and felt the air shift. She had sat behind one of the only pieces of furniture she had seen in the house, an old dresser. Her legs were curled up to her chest in the hopes that no one would see her from the hallway, but now she wasn't so sure it had worked.

The problem with her hiding place, she realized, was that it was the only one in the room. Which meant, she thought as the footsteps got closer, if anyone came looking through that doorway this would be the only place they would go.

Looking up she saw a shadowy figure leaning over the drawers staring at her. As he stepped around toward her a small bit of light shone through the window and under his hood. Two hollow, calculating eyes locked with hers from behind the glossy veneer of an Alison DiLaurentis mask.

Spencer felt cold, as his arm reached out to grab hers. Her throat was closed, and as her eyes widened she found she couldn't open it, let alone her mouth. She was pulled to her feet and stood stiffly staring at the eyes through the mask. She was paralyzed.

In slow motion she watched the man jump as the door behind her slammed against the wall, but couldn't unfreeze her muscles to turn and look. She felt Aria rip his hand away from where it had remained on her arm, and as he reached for her she was pulled back, being forced to run out of the room, though she was clumsy and numb.

As they made it into the hall, she saw Hanna coming out of the room she had hid in, looking franticly at her. She felt large hands, smooth inside of leather gloves grab at her wrist again, and heard Aria yelp as Emily came from across the hall and swung a punch into her attacker's face, knocking him back.

She was pulled further down the hall, down the stairs, into the night, and down the street, where the four girls walked still without their shoes, quiet and too shaken to speak.

When they finally came to the Hastings' house, Emily's voice sounded foreign to them all. "I can't sleep over again. My mom thinks it's rude to do it so many times."

The girls nodded in response.

"I can still stay," murmured Aria, rubbing Spencer's arm comfortingly.

"Me too." Hanna said, looking at Emily nervously. "Are you ok to walk by yourself?"

"Yeah. Just get on the phone with me, ok? I'll hang up when I get inside."

oooOOOooo

Sneaking back into the house was usually harder than sneaking out, but having punched A in the face, Emily couldn't bring herself to feel an ounce of concern over getting caught.

Changing into a tank top for bed, she felt how sore her muscles were from the adrenaline. The light of her bathroom blinded her, and she flicked it off, washing her face off in the dark.

She walked to her bed, and debated whether or not to pull the covers down or simply collapse.

"Hey, killer."

Emily nearly fainted at the sound of another voice in her room.

"What are you doing here?" She sat down limply at the foot of her bed, staring at Alison DiLaurentis.

"I came to say hello. It's gotten kind of lonely being on the run. Seeing you guys the other day just made it harder. Somehow." She moved to stand in front of Emily, and reached down to take her hands. "Don't I get a hug?" She moved the captive hands to slide over her hips.

Emily rose, running her hands the rest of the way around Ali, pulling the blonde against her in one swift tug. "Of course you get a hug." Her arms flexed protectively around the girl's slender frame as she nuzzled into the soft hair in front of her. "You don't smell like you used to."

"People change."

The two stood there pressed tightly together, feeling one another breathe.

"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry." Ali's voice was small and muffled against Emily's shoulder. "In case I don't get another chance."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't appreciate you girls as much as I should have. You've all gone so far to save me. I'm just sorry I never realized it when I had the chance. I never realized how strong you would be." She pulled back to look Emily in the eye. "I was always just playing games. I can't believe how much _you've_ changed."

Emily watched as Ali began to wander around her room, fingering knickknacks and picture frames, peeking into boxes.

"Are you here to look for something?" Emily asked, wariness creeping back up through her.

"No." Alison smiled warmly at her. "I'm just seeing everything that's changed up close. It's nice to be in here again." She made her way to a group of photographs. "I can't believe you're dating _Paige_. Who would have guessed?"

"I love her, you know," Emily said quietly.

"I know." Ali's voice was even quieter.

Ali sat down on the edge of Emily's bed, watching with a small smile as her friend crawled over to sit next to her.

"It's never going to be like it was before," Ali said once Emily had settled. "I'm never going to be able to go back to high school. I won't be able to find you guys in the hallways. Study with Spence. Find you in an empty classroom." She looked up at Emily and winked.

Emily didn't have it in her to be playful.

"What I mean is… there's no going back. You all grew up without me. And what that really means is, aside from that I'll miss how it was… I won't be able to stop Hanna from throwing up, you know?"

Emily looked at her, taken off guard.

"I won't be able to talk to Aria about her father. You don't need me anymore, and I won't be able to fix the things I… messed up. I should have been helping you guys when I had the chance. Back when our problems were so small. I shouldn't have wasted my time like I did, shouldn't have wasted you. And I'm sorry."

Emily heard the quiver in Alison's voice, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Spencer and I probably would have kept fighting," she said with a wry smile. "But maybe it could have been in a more sisterly way. Our family's had a lot in common you know. I still could have been a good friend." She leaned into Emily heavily, breathing the teary quality out of her voice. "And you. I never got a chance to treat you right. But all of you adapted. You don't need me anymore. You four grew together, and I… died."

"But Ali, you've always been here. With us. We were always thinking of you. We'll get you back. We'll fix this, and when we do, you'll be with us again. Maybe it won't be the same, but we're going to try, ok? And you can come back. And now you know not to waste us."

"A second chance?"

"Yes."

"You and your happy endings."

"Why not, Ali?"

"Like I said. I came to apologize because I might not get another chance. I want you to pass it on to the other girls, ok?"

"Ali, you can tell them yourself…"

"No. If I'm right you girls wound up playing a wicked game of hide and seek tonight, didn't you?"

Emily stared at her silently, questioning.

"He's putting you in danger to draw me out. And it's working. Every time, I'm getting closer and closer. And I need to stay far away. A is winning, ok? But A is… also getting desperate. Following you in there tonight? He's showing us his cards, and he doesn't mean to. It's going to be close. This game. Really close."

"Stay with me. Stay with us. Let us protect you, we can hide you here. He might be getting desperate, but he's not just going to barge in past my parents."

"It's not as hard as it looks. I did it, didn't I? And so did you. Besides, you know how many strings he can pull."

"So A really is a man? That man?"

"I think so. But it might be complicated."

"What do you mean?"

"There are some things I have to look into. And I might be able to end the game. All of you girls… stay safe. Keep your eyes on each other." Ali stood, making her way to the door. "Goodnight."

"Ali, are you sure? How are you going to end things?"

"Like I said, I have to look into some things. And it might be complicated. I might not be able to keep you posted. And… tell the girls what I told you. About how I'm sorry."

"Tell them yourself…"

"Maybe."

And with that she left, Emily watching as she disappeared down the hallway, not making another sound as she vanished from the house.

xxxXXXxxx

Sorry for the delay you guys. Finals week always winds up being finals month. And sorry to everyone reading my spemily fic, that one seems to be going even slower.

A REQUEST! Please lemme know if I should be including more/less of anything! More/less time on A, more/less time on particular characters, should I be including any characters who I haven't added yet?

I would just like to know what you guys like.


	3. Chapter 3

_WHAT'S WRONG? YOU LOOK TIRED_

Emily glanced at Paige, who was discreetly staring at her while pretending to take history notes. Emily smiled when she realized Paige wasn't even writing any actual letters.

_ROUGH NIGHT_

She wrote on the back of the note before tossing it lightly onto Paige's desk. Her lips thinned when she saw Paige frown. Today was going to be as rough as last night.

_A? DID YOU DO SOMETHING DAGEROUS?_

Emily nodded once their teacher turned to the blackboard. At Paige's glare she replied.

_EVERYONE'S OK. _

Paige looked exasperated, and Emily could tell she was not at all satisfied with being kept in the dark.

_HE CHASED US OUT OF AN OLD HOUSE. _

OK, maybe that was too much. Rather than frustrated, now Paige looked shaken and pale.

_I WANT THE WHOLE STORY_

Paige looked devastated when Emily shook her head.

_SOME_

Emily wrote back, trying to make things better.

Paige turned back to her textbook in disbelief.

oooOOOooo

"When are you going to stop avoiding me?"

Emily winced hearing the edge in Paige's voice. She had darted through hallways and out of classroom doors, rushed out of the locker room, and ignored the texts piling up in her phone. She had made it all the way out to her car, but as she spun around to face her girlfriend she knew she wasn't anywhere near home free. "I'm sorry."

"Will you tell me what happened?"

"We just thought we might be able to find where… A was hiding out."

"That is insane."

They both leaned on Emily's car with a sigh.

"We're just trying to get a step ahead for once."

"Well you were right, weren't you? You found it? And you could have gotten killed." Paige's voice was tense with rising panic.

"I… know."

"Seriously?" She huffed in astonishment. "How can you just admit that so casually?"

"I'm _sorry_. I don't mean to be. I guess I'm just in shock."

"Did he hurt you?" Paige took a step closer to her girlfriend, scrutinizing her.

"No, he didn't touch me."

"But?"

"He grabbed Spencer. She's alright."

"_Spencer_? So what you're telling me is that girl was assaulted less than a day ago. By the person who's been torturing her and her friends for _years_, after hunting him down in the middle of the night, in a strange building, where she could have been killed. And she just sat next to me today in calculus and took notes. She was solving _equations _Emily, am I the only one who sees this?! Because it's insane!"

"Paige." Emily put her hands up, trying to calm her down. "I get it."

"No you don't!" Emily flinched as Paige slammed her hand down onto the roof of her car. "You have _no _idea."

"I know you're worried!"

"Worried? Try helpless! Spencer looked just like any other kid today. No one has any idea what's going on with all of you, and if you get _murdered_? Which you _could_! Nobody would have any idea until you wound up in the paper like Alison! Not even me! I would be just as oblivious as the rest of this town if you were in danger! I was last night!"

"I'll keep you updated, but… we can't just go telling anyone everything."

"Since when am I anyone?"

"It's safer for everyone this way!"

"Let me come with you when you do these stupid things!"

"You wanna come almost get murdered too?"

Paige's eyes welled up with stubborn tears at the truth in Emily's sarcasm. "I'm not gonna be able to take it otherwise."

"Paige, I have to go home. I don't think you can get involved in all of this." She unlocked her car and threw her bag inside. "I'll ask the girls, OK?"

"OK," Paige said, voice cracking and hollow. She watched, helpless again, as Emily drove away without her, wondering when her girlfriend got to be so callous.

oooOOOooo

Emily sighed as her phone buzzed again from inside her pocket. Clicking it open she hoped it was anyone but Paige.

ARIA: i dont think theres anything in my house you guys.

HANNA: I found spiders. You think they know what ali hid?

EMILY: can we try and take this seriously please? Ali's alive, remember? we have to help her.

HANNA: Emily, youve been so quiet. I thought you climbed up your chimney or something.

EMILY: it's Paige. she's been upset since school and she keeps texting me. wants to know what I'm doing. we're fighting a little bit.

SPENCER: Sorry Emily. But don't let her keep you from looking. You had that snow globe, remember? You probably have more.

HANNA: Crack that whip spence.

SPENCER: I'm sorry. But this is important!

EMILY: i'm still looking.

SPENCER: Remember we have to be careful not to be seen doing this.

HANNA: How are we supposed to be subtle unhinging vents?

SPENCER: Carry a Swiffer.

HANNA: Oh thats believable. Yeah its just me hanna. cleaning.

SPENCER: It's only been a half hour. Someone has to have something. And Ali's crazy, look for hollowed books if you have to, because someone has something.

Glancing at her bookshelf, Spencer realized she hadn't even taken her own advice yet. Pulling one book out at a time, she began at the top and started working her way over.

EMILY: i wasn't going to ask you guys this, but she really won't let up. there's no way Paige can know, right?

ARIA: no

SPENCER: No.

HANNA: No

Sighing Emily dropped her phone next to her and continued digging through her closet.

Kafka, Tolstoy, Camus, Faulkner. Hardcovers and first additions. Spencer sighed as she cleared a shelf, beginning to think her idea was stupid. Maybe she was thinking too much like herself and not enough like Ali. But Ali would have been thinking for the both of them. She would have given them signs, wouldn't she have?

"Nabokov." The name pulsed so strongly in her mind she wasn't sure whether or not she imagined saying it out loud. "Do I have…?" Her heart beat so heavily it almost choked her as she thought of the possibility. Skimming the volumes her eyes froze over the green spine on the bottom shelf. Crouching down she pulled it out slowly. "You aren't _hollow_…" She murmured, pulling books out of the way by the handful. "But you _are_ hiding something."

SPENCER: _

Curiosity getting the better of her, she put her phone back down, and instead reached for the book hidden flat against the wall behind the others.

oooOOOooo

Dear Diary,

You are one of many! But don't feel common, I have a very special purpose for you. You should know I log secrets- it's a hobby of mine. Everyone in town has one, and I have my own. You won't hear any of that, but you are going to keep track of something very special. I have a good feeling about this, and I'm sure you'll be full in no time.

My stupid brother started a club today. It's a brigade of idiots. They came in with beer, but I know that that's just a cover up for if they get caught completely stoned.

But today it's official! It's not just looking at stolen playboys through the glass of a bong today- today it's looking at stolen playboys through the glass of a bong under the guise of club business.

They wouldn't let me go anywhere near them, as if I'd want to be. I guess one of them is nice enough- he gave me a beer as an apology. It's not that good though. But at least he was cute.

They have no idea how easy it's going to be for me to spy on them. Whatever stupid club secrets they have I'm going to know in a week. And now I have a lovely place to keep them.

Dear Diary,

I was wrong about Jason's stupid club!

It's not some idiot dope fest, and believe me they are doing more than just circle jerking to underwear models. They're sick! I can't believe this, and I can't believe stupid Jason would go along with it!

I found them in my _room_ of all places! Like excuse me this is kind of my _house_! I live here? Who the hell knows what they did or what they went through- probably my underwear drawer, Jesus!

I don't know whether or not I should tell Spencer Hastings. But I'm positive they were looking through _her_ window. It's the easiest one you can see through mine.

-1-

oooOOOooo

Spencer sat back, leaning against the wall of her bedroom, debating whether or not to turn past the first page. "I'm not gonna like this, am I?"

Sitting up, she turned around and peered out her window. "How many times did they do that?" She froze when she saw a shadow shift on the far wall of Alison's bedroom. "No way."

Frozen, she waited minutes until she saw the shadow flutter again, and this time caught a glimpse of a face glancing out the window. She gasped as another pair of eyes locked with hers instantly.

She dove for her phone, pushing words into the group text before running out the door.

SPENCER: I'm searching Ali's- her mom's out this weekend.

Running through their backyards, Spencer looked to every window of the DiLaurentis house she could see, trying to see if she was being watched.

The spare key was where it always was, and she entered the house quietly, listening for any signs of an attempted escape. "Ali?" She called quietly, when she came to the base of the stairs. "Ali, I saw you. Come talk to me."

She paced anxiously, glancing into the nearby rooms, hoping to find her long lost… friend? Her long lost puzzle piece. "Ali, I found your Lolita journal!" She called into an empty room, not sure how to coax the girl out of hiding. "Are you still here…?" She whispered to herself.

"You did?" She heard a quiet voice, sounding like it was just at the top of the stairs but around a corner where Spencer couldn't see.

"Yes. Come here. Why are you hiding, it's just me."

She heard a frustrated sigh and saw Alison's face peer over the banister. "Did Emily talk to you?"

"About what?" She asked, beginning her ascent up the stairs.

"I told her to pass along a message."

"You spoke to Emily? When?"

Ali looked silently to Spencer's hand, where she still held the diary.

"Well she didn't tell us anything," Spencer said.

"She didn't want to."

"Well will you tell me yourself?"

Alison considered, before shaking her head, the hint of a laugh licking at her eyes.

"Great." Spencer griped, sitting down across the hall from where Ali stood, watching the other girl slide slowly down the opposite wall to match her.

"So. You visited Emily. You… love her or something?"

Ali laughed sharply. "Didn't I try to teach you tact once?"

"I learned it. It's not like it's gonna get me anywhere with you, though."

"Hmm. I taught you better than I thought."

"Do you love any of us? Is this just some game?"

All quiet amusement fled from the blonde. "This isn't a game."

"We're going through a lot of trouble for you Ali," Spencer said, but in the silence that followed she reconsidered the harshness of her words. Softening, she corrected herself. "We _are_ going through the trouble Ali. For you. We're trying to help."

For a second it looked to Spencer as if Ali's eyes had been glossed by tears. "I know," Ali said, with a clarity that made Spencer doubt what her eyes had seen.

"It's complicated," Ali offered. "With everything. And with Emily."

"How about a simpler question: How many diaries are there?"

"A good number."

Rolling her eyes at the ambiguity, Spencer went on. "We're all searching our houses for things you hid. Is that right? Do we have things?"

"There are things all over Spencer. And who says I ever stopped hiding them?"

Spencer ran her fingers over the book in her hand thoughtfully. "So… you might give us more? Even if we don't find anything now?"

"Who knows? It's dangerous for me to be near you."

Spencer looked wistfully around the upper level of the house, half in shadow with the late afternoon sun. "How about this: Did you know you were going to…'die'?"

Ali's eyes snapped up to Spencer's, and for a moment they were big and vulnerable, as if she really were just a hunted high school girl.

"When I started hiding things, it was fun. It was secrets, and treasures, and a game I started playing with myself. It was exciting. I was only a kid. But by the time… I started hiding things that needed to be hid… I had a feeling someone else might need to find them one day. For me."

"You wanted me to have this?" Spencer spoke softly; the vulnerability in Ali hadn't left like she thought it would, but stayed plastered to her. She had the sense that Ali would feel more comfortable fleeing.

"Yes."

"Why me?" Spencer ran her palm along its cover.

"You're the only one who reads." Ali's voice was suddenly hearty again with mirth.

Spencer barked out a laugh of surprise. "Wow. OK."

Ali looked up and smiled at her, a smile so genuine and young that it felt in that moment as if they were still friends. Friends who painted each other's nails, and friends who fought over movie times and gossip.

"I miss you Ali. We're going to get you back, OK?"

Ali nodded, still smiling in a small way.

"Where are your other diaries?"

"A probably has them. Creep."

"Who _is_ A? Can you tell me that at least? Even if you don't know how to stop them… really Ali, don't shake your head, why can't you just _tell_ me? He grabbed me in that house you know – Aria had to pry his hands off me!"

"Aria, huh?" Ali snorted.

"Yeah. Why is that funny?"

"Do you mean you want to know who A is, or you want to know who attacked you last night?"

"Can you tell me either? Can you tell me how many there are?"

"I'm not actually sure how many there are. Sorry."

"Give me _names_!"

"Spencer, you need to just trust me. You can't always be in charge of everything."

"I'm not trying to be, I just want-"

"-Really? Then why are you here alone?"

"I just… didn't have time. I'm going to tell them. And about this, too." She said, waving the book.

"They haven't read it yet?"

"I haven't read it yet."

Ali paused, looking intently at the book for a moment before swiping her hand out, trying to grab it.

"Nope." Spencer said. "If you aren't ever going to tell me anything then I'm sure as hell not giving this up."

"Reading that isn't going to do much good anyway. And anyway, listen. Once you get set on something you don't let it go. Which is why I'm glad you're on my side. But you also get tunnel vision. What if A was watching you? What if someone saw you come over here? I'm in hiding, you know."

Spencer paled. "Ali, I'm sorry," she said faintly, suddenly aware of the world outside their conversation. Of the windows, the doors, the cars parked across the street and all the ways someone could hide in a forest.

"Be more careful. And don't make a fuss because I'm not telling you anything. You just have to trust me."

"OK."

"I know you trust Hanna, Aria, and Emily more than you trust me."

"Well-… Ali, I just don't know what to think or believe about all this."

Ali sighed. "I know."

Examining the conflicted look on Ali's face, Spencer felt suddenly guilty. Unsure of what to do, she reached out and held her old friend's hand, earning a thoughtful smile.

"There's no way I'm getting that book back, am I?" Ali asked.

"Nope, sorry. You gave it to me."

"A long time ago. Things are a little different now."

"When did you?"

"A few days before I died. A lot has changed since then. I know a lot more now. And… it's kind of embarrassing." She eyed the cover warily.

"Is this the NAT club?"

"Yeah." Ali nodded, before curling up and resting her chin on her knees, hand still outstretched to hold Spencer's. "Be careful with it. It won't change much though. Even if you read it."

"Are you just saying that so I won't go through it like a Hastings?"

Ali rolled her eyes, stretching out her legs and beginning to stand.

"Where are you going?"

"Oh, please. You'll only follow me. And I'm busy."

"You said Emily could go with you."

Ali looked down at Spencer's puppy dog eyes, shocked. "She told you about that? Well you're not allowed to come. Wait a few minutes before you leave- less people would draw less attention. And I don't need you following me, so don't try."

"Ali!" Spencer called out to her while the blonde made her way down the stairs.

In the daylight, in the house Spencer remembered her in, it was hard to imagine that years had gone by since her friend had gone missing. And yet her face held just enough age to prove that it had all been real. Just enough to make Spencer ache for the past that they had lost. "Is there a reason it was behind Lolita?"

"Yeah." Ali said quietly, and walked away through the living room, out of Spencer's line of sight from where she sat at the top of the stairs.

"Hey Spence?" Ali's voice rang out, though she remained where Spencer couldn't see her.

"Yes?"

"If Emily doesn't tell you… I'm sorry. OK?"

"OK." Spencer said, at a loss for words.

The house stayed quiet after that.

oooOOOooo

English was first period for the four of them. Spencer was at the far end of the hallway when Emily spotted her though, making no move to get to class on time, or even at all. Not caring nearly as much about her attendance, Emily breezed past the few stragglers, glancing back at the door in time to see Hanna walk inside.

"Why no class?" She asked, sidling up next to her brainy friend. Her only response was Spencer holding up a small blank book.

"Here. Read this… I finished it last night. And I'm not going to class at all. I think I just wanna go home."

"What is it?" Emily asked, anxious about her friend's sickly small voice.

"Once of Ali's diaries."

"You found this yesterday? You totally disappeared from that conversation. Was it in her house?"

"No… it was hidden in my bookshelf."

"Were you serious about hollowed out books?"

"It was just behind them."

"What does it say?"

"Just read it… and hold onto it when you're done, OK?" Emily nodded, bewildered. "And… keep it to yourself for a little while too. There's… a lot to take in there. I know it's not the best idea to keep secrets, and I don't want to exclude Aria and Hanna, but… I'm scared to show them, frankly. I'm scared to show you. But I don't want to be alone, and… I just think you should see it."

"My god, what's in here?"

"Text me when you're done. And don't let it out of your sight."

"OK. I won't."

"She was there, yesterday… when I went over," Spencer said, lowering her voice, afraid to be overheard even in an empty hallway.

"Did she say anything? Is she OK?"

"You know what? We had a whole conversation but I don't think she really said anything. Except that we just have to trust her."

Emily nodded mutely.

xxxXXXxxx

I ask again for your continued suggestions as to what you would like to see, but more specifically I would like to know what you all think of this: I have a good idea of how I want this story to go- and along with Emison I do want to tackle the mystery of A. But I am also an avid fan who watches the episodes every week. SO! Should I adjust my ideas for the story as new episodes come out to keep it more canon? Or should I just go the way I intended?

Also, I DID read all previous suggestions! Thank you! Though some were contradictory, and some I can't do just yet, I am keeping them in mind. This story WILL be Emison love, but I can't have it be too easy just yet! And it's going to be an Ali heavy story, with her interacting with all of the girls at times- but I do intend to focus more on her relationship with Emily.

So let me know!


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Diary,

You are one of many! Don't feel bad, I have a very special purpose for you. My stupid brother started a club today. It's a brigade of idiots. They came in with beer, but I know that that's just a cover up for if they get caught completely stoned.

But today it's official! It's not just looking at stolen playboys through the glass of a bong today- today it's looking at stolen playboys through the glass of a bong under the guise of club business.

They wouldn't let me go anywhere near them, as if I'd want to be. I guess one of them is nice enough- he gave me a beer as an apology. It's not that good though. But at least he was cute.

They have no idea how easy it's going to be for me to spy on them. Whatever stupid club secrets they have I'm going to know in a week. And now I have a lovely place to keep them.

Dear Diary,

I was wrong about Jason's stupid club!

It's not some idiot dope fest, and believe me they are doing more than just circle jerking to underwear models. They're sick! I can't believe this, and I can't believe stupid Jason would go along with it!

I found them in my _room_ of all places! Like excuse me this is kind of my _house_! I live here? Who the hell knows what they did or what they went through- probably my underwear drawer, Jesus! But they sure looked guilty as hell, and way too comfortable in there.

I don't know whether or not I should tell Spencer Hastings. But I'm positive they were looking through _her_ window. It's the easiest one you can see through mine.

Dear Diary,

They haven't been going in my room anymore, but I've been hearing things, especially at night.

They call themselves a film club. Jason always has his camera, and he buys blank disks all the time now. He's even rerecorded over our parents' things, but they never have the time to be angry.

Every time Mom and Dad have to leave on 'lawyer business' these morons come over, and there's different people every time.

Jason says they're making movies. Him and Garret and Ian. But sometimes there's girls, I can hear their voices when they sneak through the house. Noel Kahn's older brother was here. It seems exclusive, like only cool kids from the high school. I don't really know them.

Last night they got hammered, and went down into the basement. They locked the door. I listened at the top of the stairs for a little while, and it just sounded like they were talking. I could almost hear what they were saying, but it got quiet.

I thought the noise stopped because they were going to come up the stairs, and I hid behind the counter, but nothing happened, until glass shattered downstairs.

I went back to listen and it sounded like a fight. There were definitely punches, I could hear them all the way upstairs. It sounded like they were trying to kill each other, and a lot of stuff was getting knocked over.

But the whole time I could hear other people talking. Like it was a show.

Dear Diary,

Jason still does pot. I'm in middle school, I'm not an idiot.

But my parents haven't left town in a while. Jason must be going off to the other kids' houses, because he's never home. I caught him last night, sneaking in. He looked different. He was walking like it hurt, and his lip was busted, and I knew he had been in one of those fights. But that wasn't what was weird.

It was his eyes. He didn't really see me. He didn't even seem awake.

I don't know what those other kids are doing, but it's messing up my brother.

It isn't just pot anymore.

Dear Diary,

Stupid asshole Jason was in my room again, _with a camera_! And with one of his stupid goony friends. What the hell were they filming in my room? I don't know, maybe nothing, but they were definitely filming something at the Hastings' house.

I asked Jason if he was spying on that Spencer girl. He looked freaking astonished that I would ask that, and assured me that they were trying to spy on her older sister, not that it was any of my business. Like that's not as creepy. He gave me twenty bucks not to tell. He's smart. If it was fifty I would have known it was something worth even more.

That other stupid guy had the camera, so it must have been his idea. It was the dork that gave me the beer. He said he was sorry though, and looked like he really meant it, so I don't know. He seems nice. Maybe it's just some high school prank. They weren't drugged up, at least.

Dear Diary,

They've been filming girls kissing.

I heard them playing truth or dare in the living room, and I managed to watch most of it. That cute boy wasn't there, but there were still a lot of people and they were all chugging beers. Ian was filming the whole thing.

He managed to goad two blondes into kissing each other, after they had destroyed most of the furniture and most of themselves. After that all the dares were similar. They were trashed and stripping to stay in the game. What I didn't notice at first was that _she_ was down there. You know who. I can't believe they would let her be there, and I really can't believe Jason would. But he was pretty far gone when it started.

That was last week, but I've heard them filming since then in Jason's room. It all sounds like sex.

Dear Diary,

Now I give them a half an hour when they shut themselves in Jason's room to get nice and busy and stupid, and I go and listen.

I don't think they were filming today, unless this was some crazy script, but it sounds like they're taping people all over town. And nobody knows that they're doing it.

They were talking about how they hid, like they were swapping tips. They traded videos, too.

It didn't even sound like they caught anything worthwhile. They just like watching people.

Dear Diary,

One of those girls who was making out during truth or dare was with Jason after school yesterday. Her name is Cece and she's actually really nice!

They all had a party last night, and she caught me spying, but instead of telling Jason she sat with me. She told me who everyone was, and what their deals were. She's a lot like me- she keeps track of people's secrets too. That's why she hangs out with Jason's club, for the gossip. I think that's why most people do. But not many people are official members. There must be members-only secrets.

That girl was there. She was getting really cozy with Ian, and she was flirting with everyone. I fucking hate her, but Cece was a good distraction- until that bitch started making out with girls to get Ian's approval.

She even tried to make out with me, that psycho! How desperate could she be? She practically threw herself at Cece when I pushed her away. She just hates that I was getting attention. She thinks she can have a monopoly on popularity? We'll see.

Dear Diary,

Melissa Hastings is hanging around the club now. She's been flirting with Jason, which of course is sick beyond belief.

Cece wasn't there today, but a group was hanging out in Jason's room. It was so quiet, for like, hours, until my door opened. I don't know where Jason was but a bunch of guys wandered in and started talking to me.

They looked completely gone, like that time Jason came home beat up.

They kept talking to me, and leaning in, putting their hands on my legs. I wanted to go looking for Jason but I was afraid to get off my bed and go to the door. I didn't want them behind me, where I couldn't see them. And I didn't want to make them mad.

Melissa found me though, she saw my open door. She scared them away. I feel like I owe her, but I don't know if I should tell her I think they've been spying on her- if she doesn't believe me these creeps might get angry.

I wanna tell the cops, do something. Whatever I do, I need proof. Otherwise things would just get worse.

More than anything I wanna get out of this horrible house. And I want those idiots to stop drugging up my brother.

Dear Diary,

Those creeps wanted to play with me again. But this time they made a mistake. They didn't get Jason tanked enough, and he found them in my room with me.

He stumbled in with Melissa, but she was still sober.

He was mad, too, but I could tell he was lost. He walked up to one of them, I think his name was Darren. Jason looked like he was gonna hit him, but the guy put his arm around my brother's shoulders and started talking to him- complaining about _me_. He said I was being rude, said I was being a little snot to them and it wasn't cool that I was treating Jason's guests like that.

He punched me in the face. They got him to hit me, and he didn't even look like he saw it. Melissa did though, and she looked… really concerned. Like a real older sibling should look. She made them leave me alone again.

She looked guilty. I wonder how she would look if she knew they spied on her- or her sister?

The bruise still hasn't gone away. I told Jason what he did, but he couldn't decide whether to believe me or not and ignored me instead.

Dear Diary,

That nicer boy was with Jason today. Melissa was too, but she wasn't flirting with Jason anymore, instead she was hanging all over Ian- good. Our family's complicated enough.

I still didn't catch that nice boy's name, but whenever he's there they don't get trashed- I wonder if he thinks this really is some innocent film club. Idiot. But he's nice. He had a camera- a real photography one. He said I would make a good model, and asked me to pose. I did of course. It was nice to get along with Jason's friends for once.

But then they started asking me questions- like where my friends lived.

I just said I was busy and went to my room.

Dear Diary,

I was home alone for the first time in a long time. I went into Jason's room to see what club business he's got stashed away in there.

He locks up all of his videos! There's really something going on, this isn't some high school prank if he needs locks. But he left one out- he's been going digital and transferring everything en masse to flash drives.

It was videos of Spencer Hastings. They were shot from my window.

She was getting changed.

The video kept recording even when she was dressed and just sitting at her desk, for like an hour. I don't know why. I guess they just… like watching people. They're fucking sick.

There were photos too, stuffed in a box with a lock on it. The corner of one was sticking out of the top, and I pulled. It was of me, asleep. That dorky stuffed dog I sleep with was even in the frame.

Diary, I don't know what to do. I just want to leave.

Dear Diary,

I hate my parents. They keep leaving us at home alone, and the club keeps coming over.

They keep going in my room, whether I'm in there or not. It's lucky that I hide the important things.

They want me to do things. They keep bothering me, asking me questions about my friends. They put their arms around my shoulders, grab my hands, pet my hair.

That nice boy, when he's here, gets them to stop. Ezra, I finally know his name.

I shouldn't have to rely on him to keep these guys away from me- where the fuck is my family? All they do is make it worse.

Dear Diary,

The club is more and more guys only, and so are the parties. And there's less of a crowd. It's seeming more like a real club. A really exclusive club, since so many kids went away to college.

They've been really loud all night. I think they're marathoning the tapes, and there's just a weird vibe in this house.

There's only two girls here tonight including me, and everyone else is pumped with testosterone and what I think I've known all along is cocaine.

The only other girl is her. And I think I'm just going to go over to Spencer's.

I'm so fed up with living like this- him and his stoner friends locked up behind that door, and any minute they could pour out and do god knows what.

I have dirt on every person in this town, but it's not going to help me with them- and not just because they do too. If I tell them I'll blackmail them, it would just make them mad and who knows what they'd do. And if I don't tell them, I have nothing.

I think she's having a sleepover with Emily, but fuck it. They can deal with it, can't they? I'm supposed to be their friend, aren't I? Though I know they all hate me just as much as they love me.

Dear Diary,

Ian is totally fucking her. The both of them are crazy and I'm sick of it.

I wanna pull my hair out, but someone's bound to notice. I have to get out of here.

I'm seriously losing it, and I mean really. It's freaking me out, but I just feel like I wanna kill someone. And I'm definitely abusing my friends a lot more.

I need an opportunity to stop it all. But I wouldn't hold my breath. Get it?

Dear Diary,

She's definitely fucking him to keep him from paying any attention to me.

She's even going after that Ezra boy.

Dear Diary,

What the hell is wrong with this club? These guys are way older than us, but she did have sex- at least with Ezra and probably Ian.

She filmed it herself, showed it to me too. I bet she thought it would just utterly destroy me how wanted she is.

I have bigger things to worry about.

But if I could get my hands on that tape, maybe I could finally one up this whole club.

Sorry Ezra, but not really. You know damn well she's way too young for you.

I wonder if there's a tape of her and Ian? I wonder if I could make one myself.

Dear Diary,

They have more than just pictures of me sleeping.

They have embarrassing vids of me. Really personal. They showed them to me, and they knew what they were doing. Jason was out like a light and they did it on purpose.

I think they all like their girls too young.

When they showed me the tapes, the way they looked at me, and talked to me, they were letting me know they were going to make more. And there's nothing I can do about it. I was showered with compliments, those sick fucks.

It's pretty obvious. If I don't do what they want, they show people these tapes.

Dear Diary,

Jason hit me again.

He kind of remembered it this morning. He said he was really sorry. He almost admitted he had a drug problem too, but he promised he would sort his shit out.

This family's fucked, and I'm a fucking punching bag.

Dear Diary,

Money.

I got Ezra's tape, and I've been collecting cash this whole time.

Diary, I think it's gonna be time to go soon.


End file.
